Designer, writer and television presenter, Kevin McCloud of Grand Designs gives his advice on how to deal with creative conflict.
Designing a home, be it a bold new build, a modest extension, or the simple repositioning of a few pieces of furniture, is very rarely a solitary pursuit, even if you think it is!
Even if you’re the one drawing up the plans, ordering the tiles and trawling through colour cards with a fanatical gleam in your eye, the chances are there’s at least one other person involved, and often more. That could be a spouse, a partner, a child… perhaps even a nosey neighbour.
For the most part we should welcome the thoughts and opinions of others. That neighbour to one side, homes are shared spaces, and designing one together is a pleasure that we should all savour. Yet just because the idea of making a home unique and special is a wonderful one, the process for getting there can frequently be discordant!
My advice? Start with the fundamentals. Talk early, and talk honestly about how you want to live… not just what shade the kitchen cupboards should be.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen couples on Grand Designs argue – in the nicest, most British way possible, of course! – over light fittings, tap choices or whether their concrete island is too brutalist. Often, it’s the little things that cause the biggest friction… not because they matter more, but because by the time you get to them, patience and budget have both worn thin.
Yet here’s the truth: compromise doesn’t have to mean mediocrity. It means creativity. It means listening, editing, finessing. It’s a skill to take two ideas and find a third: one that pleases both parties and enhances the space. Indeed, some of the finest designs I’ve seen are not the work of one single visionary, but the result of a constructive domestic dialogue.
My advice? Start with the fundamentals. Talk early, and talk honestly about how you want to live… not just what shade the kitchen cupboards should be.
Define your priorities, write them down, and return to them when the debate about pendant lights turns heated. Also, allow each other a little space. It’s entirely permissible for one of you to care passionately about the flooring while the other obsesses over soft furnishings.
Ultimately, a home is not just a reflection of taste, it’s a reflection of life together. And if you can make it through the argument over whether the toilet roll holder should be wall-mounted or freestanding, I daresay you can make it through anything!
