“After losing my husband Steve when he was just 47, I realised how unprepared we are for death and how little we talk about it until we’re in the middle of it,” says Deborah McCullough, founder of Dying Matters.
“That experience led me to train as a death doula and create Dying Matters, with the simple aim of helping people approach the end of life with more knowledge, more choice and less fear.”
Deborah and her team help people have conversations that matter, capture their choices and create meaningful end-of-life experiences that reflect who they are.
What does a Death Doula actually do?
A death doula provides emotional, practical and compassionate support to people who are dying and those who love them. Every journey is different, so our role is shaped by what each individual and family need. That might mean helping someone have difficult conversations, planning an end-of-life celebration, creating legacy projects, advocating for them, sitting quietly at the bedside, providing information, or simply being a calm, reassuring presence.
One of the greatest gifts a death doula offers is their time. While doctors and nurses provide essential clinical care, a death doula is there to support the person and their family in all the moments in between. We help people understand their choices, navigate the unfamiliar territory of dying and feel less alone. When people feel informed and supported, fear often gives way to confidence, allowing them to focus on spending precious time together.
Your first service, MyDyingPlan, encourages people to capture their dying choices for their final days. What are the biggest misconceptions people have about this?
The biggest misconception is that planning for death is only for older people or those who are seriously ill. The reality is that we will all die one day. None of us knows when that will be, which is why planning is something every person should consider, regardless of age or stage of life.
Another misconception is that talking about death is morbid or somehow makes it happen. I believe the opposite is true. Having these conversations brings peace of mind. It gives the people you love the confidence of knowing they’re making decisions based on what you want.
MyDyingPlan isn’t about focusing on death. It’s about making sure your voice is heard, your values are respected, and your family are clear on what to do for you.
How does MyDyingPlan differ from a traditional will, and why are both important?
A will and MyDyingPlan work hand in hand, but they serve very different purposes.
A will comes into effect after you’ve died. It deals with your assets, your estate and the legal matters that need to be taken care of.
MyDyingPlan is for while you’re still living. It captures the experience you want to have while you are dying; how you would like to be cared for, what medical directives you have chosen, who you want around, and practical details that make an incredibly difficult time easier to navigate for those caring for you.
I often say a will looks after your belongings, while MyDyingPlan looks after you and your people. Both are acts of love.
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